These are simple principles that apply as much to our marriages as they do to our houseplants. Winner of the Golden Scroll Children's Book of the Year and the Enduring Light Silver Medal, she is a member of the Christian Author's Network and the Advanced Writers and Speakers Association. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Posted by Maria Droste Counseling Center on Oct 12, 2012 in Relationships. An excellent exercise to get out of the victim mentality and become aware of your tendency to blame, and not take responsibility is the Week without blaming: make a commitment with yourself, with your partner or with a friend and not every time you dont take your responsibility, and you blame someone. Marriage is a legal union between a two people as recognized by law. Jesus was clear that if we dont forgive others of the times when they have wronged us, God wont forgive us of our sins. Addiction. How can a couple remain connected to the vine when their way of connecting to God is cut off from the roots? As an example: The best way to cure addiction is to visit a counselor immediately. Sex education is very important before people get married, you must get to marry someone you are sexually compatible with. When this is the case, their example of Christlikeness gets marred. The relationship can deteriorate to the point where the best level of communication revolves around how was your day? Neither partner feels safe enough to express their discontentment with life or each other. If a marriage reaches the point of divorce, a post-mortem relationship will often reveal the presence of habits practiced by one or both partners that slowly and insidiously robbed the marriage of its strength, vitality, and ultimately, its life. This foundation keeps the little things from damaging your marriage to the point where divorce is the only option. Sexual Revelation is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program and other affiliate programs which is a affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com and other affiliate programs, About Us Term of Service Privacy & Cookie Policy Blog Contact Us. God wants our fellowship, and so does our partner. The toxic habit of holding grudges, and not having the spirit of forgiveness could lead to destruction of the marriage. In fact, if we go to analyze their lives they are so brave in some areas of their lives, but they are absolutely not in others. Can Loved Ones in Heaven Look Down on You? You fall into this category, although marriage is the highest priority for you and you are putting yourself on the line, ask the wrong people for help. Keep your fights clean by sticking to the issue at hand and the underlying fears and insecurities that lie beneath them, and youll have a marriage that can weather any storm of conflict. All rights reserved. It wont be easyneither was his crucifixionbut he chose to do so because of his great love for us. After the early years of marriage, when realities of raising families, building careers, and even later on caring for aging parents invade our lives, it is not easy to create either space or time, or to have the energy for an active sex life. The habit of spying on your partner is a sign of lack of trust, and will bring argument into the marriage. She also teaches at various writers' workshops, such as the Montrose Christian Writers conference. Blaming someone or something we all do, is a phase of growth that we all go through: watch the children. What we feed and nourish will grow. Trust is a very important in a relationship, always have confidence and trust your partner privacy. What we neglect and mistreat will starve. Sometimes you have to pick the bathroom paint color on your own. Sure, it seems easy enough to skip one day of praying together. Bad, toxic, and negative habits in a successful and healthy marriage can destroy it. Disrespect is a devastating habit, and it can come in the form of humiliation, disregard, manipulation, and inability to honor your partner. Just as we can help to protect our bodies from illness and disease by ensuring that we do not engage in destructive habits, we can protect our marriages from failure by avoiding these very destructive relationship patterns. Affairs often begin this way. Marriages do not suddenly end when the divorce is final. When we value something, we treat it with care and respect. 4 Steps To Get A Grip On Conflict, 10 Tips to Solve Marital Problems for Newly Married Couples, Can A Relationship Survive With Two Dominant Personalities? Affairs also often begin as a result of a failure in our most basic and difficult form of honesty; emotional honesty. One of the ways by which marriage can be destroyed is through financial dishonesty. When your partner is angry, always calm them down and control your emotions, never let disrespect creeps in to destroy your marriage. 2. Being fully and completely honest about how we are feeling will allow awareness and understanding to grow in a marriage, and this in turn deepens our commitment. Michelle S. Lazurek is an award-winning author, speaker, pastor's wife and mother. When a partner cares more about being right than in right relationship, the marriage relationship reflects less of the bride of Christ and more like two selfish people who only want to get something out of the relationship than giving to it. As humans, developing negative mindset can destroy your life and career, negative mindset can even destroy the best of men and women. If you have the habits of forgetting little things, it can destroy marriage as your partner might feel they are not appreciated enough. We tend to it as we would a great treasure. Marriages are very delicate, and if you aren't careful, you can really hurt your relationship. Stay informed what's happening at Maria Droste, get insightful blog posts on wellness and more! If you spy on your partner, you will start second guessing everything he/she does. Always communicate your emotions and see a counselor to stop this bad habit. This means both partners communicate their feelings and emotions without fear of condemnation from the other. These ugly power plays tell your partner that he or she doesn't count at all in your eyes. Harmless Habits That Can Destroy Your Marriage. Imagine if your relationship with God was nothing more than a list of prayer requests. Intimacy is expressed in our marriages on two levels, sexual and emotional, and both are critically important to nurturing intimacy. In todays world, Christians are known more for what they are against than what they are for. 1. Passive communication or aggression is almost the exact opposite and is one of the toxic communication habits. Partners of verbally or emotionally abusive people often feel at fault for everything, confused, and afraid to speak up or to leave the relationship. The best way to avoid is to love and trust your partner wholeheartedly. 6 Keys To Make It Work, Can A Marriage Survive Depression? When a husband loves his wife, he also brings honor to his marriage. These 12 Common Problems Threaten Even Happy Marriages, The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. One of the pillars of marriage success is transparent and honest communication. Some of the worse habits you can have to include paying more attention to your phone or spending more time at work, as well as missing your spouse's birthday. A toxic habit that destroy marriage is not caring about physical intimacies, it deepens love and make couples feel comfortable, and it requires deeper level of communication and include kissing, hand holding, caressing, and feeling passionate about your lover. We know about the . Relatives, because they are NOT objectives and because you were raised by them in your family culture. It may seem choppy or it could confuse you, but we ALL have expectations that we place in our partner. Lack of Intimacy It has often been said of a failed marriage that "we simply became like roommates." Here are the 9 worst relationship mistakes and how to start fixing them today. If we are feeling angry, frustrated, neglected, or even fearful in relation to our partner, and we do not address these feelings openly and honestly, we cannot reach resolution. These 12 Common Problems Threaten Even Happy Marriages. If your partner is irresponsible about spending and doesnt take financial advice, it can destroy trust in your marriage. Strive to be the spouse your partner deserves. Christs relationship with the church needs to be more than just roommates. Here are 8 habits to avoid to have a happy marriage. Friends because they sympathize with you (if known, they always take your defense and never that of your partner) and do not hit you in the face for which YOU are not taking your responsibility. When fight occurs, couples should focus on communicating and connecting with each other rather than fighting to win. Playing the dispassionate Mr. Spock not only cuts you off from your feelings, but also subtly tells your spouse that his or her feelings don't count either. Instead, in many marriages, certainly often in those that fail, there is an abundance of criticism, negativity, neglect, and carelessness. Couples must always learn to call each others attention when a mistake is made, and forgive each other immediately. But as the years go by, it is easy to get into a marriage rut, allowing small annoyances to bloom into bad habits. They aren't helping your marriage and they are leading your relationship to divorce. Your marriage and your family is the most valuable treasure. We know about the squeaky wheel, but complaining loud and long gets you only short-term gains and builds up powerful discontent on your spouse's side. Maintaining curiosity about our partners will keep us focused on their emotional lives and needs. One of the ways by which marriage can be destroyed is through financial dishonesty. You both partake in decision-making and reason together. Never blame your spouse for your bad habits because it will make them feel bad, take responsibility for fixing the problem, During the process, encourage your partner with positive comments, Lastly, show love, care and affection to your partner. Lack of communication can lead to cheating in a marriage and cheating is a great force can destroy a marriage. Yikes! Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Talk to your spouse today and ask what habits of yours bother or offend them. Intimacy is the glue that holds our relationships together. What Does the Bible Say about Leadership? Those words, if you havent apologized for them, will just pile up. Being fully and completely honest about how we are feeling will allow awareness and understanding to grow in a marriage, and this in turn deepens our commitment. When all these things are neglected, it will destroy marital bonds and can lead to cheating. Being aware that surely you to are afraid is already a good starting point and the best thing you can do is explore these areas of yours with questions like: Most people have enormous difficulties in being themselves in their relationship as a couple and, to cope with the frustration and discomfort that derives from it, they use the strategies have developed in their childhood. It is the same in the marriage relationship. While there are many reasons that marriages fail, the presence of these characteristics, lack of intimacy and honestly, devaluing our relationships, and using power and control, are often destructive to our marriages. Another stall maneuver, stonewalling stops arguments and constructive discussions cold. A marriage that has honor will eventually go back to a loving one. Many men have a habit of not taking their wives into account in decision-making, or have a habit of not listening carefully; and that irritates and annoys their wives. In other words, the condescending spouse is always right and looks down on their spouse. Sex increases love, trust, and bring intimacy into the marriage, the habit of neglecting sex will constantly drift you apart from your partner and can eventually destroy the marriage. To break the habit of dishonesty, always tell your partner the truth. Not much can happen when one spouse just won't talk about it. That means enduring trials together as a family unit, not involving your parents or siblings. No Marriage can thrive without communication, it is one of the basic parts of marriage, but very important as it can never be neglected. And to change a habit, we must follow several steps: Some habits will probably cost us a lot to change, but we should never falter in our goal of being better partner. If any one of these traits is in play in a relationship, the result can progressively weaken a marital bond to the point of collapse. It creates fear, resentment, bitterness, hostility, and can lead to physical abuse. Click here to get questions women can ask in the bedroom and click here for questions men can ask to keep things spicy in the bedroom. Her first book with Leafwood Publishers,An Invitation to the Table, came out September 2016. If your partner is always focused on being right instead of communicating honest emotions, your marriage is in trouble. Marriage is all about commitment and loyalty. But when a communication has lost in a relationship, Loneliness and depression sets which will have adverse effects on the relationship and can lead to destruction of the marriage. When making major life decisions, make sure you make it with your spouse, not your parent. Trust in each other and always forgive each other. Most of the time the two parents continued to seek relief from stress, lack of attention or sex on the part of the partner with the small, or large habits that were created during the childs childhood. We send these out in our free monthly newsletter. This demonstrates Jesus passion for Christians to freely offer the same forgiveness as Jesus did on the cross. These can lead to bitterness, separation, and violent outbursts. You're just having fun, right? The best way for him to destroy that unity is through a lack of prayer. Great American Family Breaks Records with Debut Christmas Movie: 'Great Content Wins', 6 Simple Ways to Cultivate Thanksgiving in Your Grandchildren, 5 Steps to Bring Back Joy After Devastation, 7 Traditions to Make Christmas Unforgettable for Your Grandkids. Sex increases love, trust, and bring intimacy into the marriage, the, A toxic habit that destroy marriage is not caring about. What is often not understood, however, is that domestic violence can also involve the use of verbal and emotional abuse,even if there is no physical contact. But we must choose to either allow our past to ruin our present or to use it as a way to redeem ourselves and others. If you neglect to do so, you are demonstrating your lack of interest. If it's not too late for you to save your relationship by the time you figure out what bad habits you're contributing, try to fix it! How husbands destroy their marriage? A bad marriage habit is one that grows over time and can be hard to break. Marriage should be a safe place where people can express themselves fully. One of these habits is condescension. We welcome your comments, criticism and compliments and will consider your feedback in improving our service. You'll end up angry, defensive, and a drudge. Couples must always be open and honest with each other about spending habits, financial capabilities and goals, physical intimacies, it deepens love and make couples feel comfortable, get questions women can ask in the bedroom, here for questions men can ask to keep things spicy, #1 Buckling Collar with Nipple Clamps Review For Tantalizing Orgasm, The Best and #1 Blowmotion Warming Pulsating Rechargeable Male Masturbator Review, #1 Magic Wand Extra Powerful Cordless Vibrator Review, #1 Powerful Tracey Cox Supersex Kegel Toner Balls Review- Perfect for New Pleasure, #1 Tracey Cox EDGE Ultimate-Performance Stamina Penis Pump Review, 10 Ways to Make Money as a New Sex /Relationship Blogger, Top 7 Fleshlight Cleaners for the Best Results. A marriage build on lies cannot last long, it will fail and get destroyed, couples need to be opened to each other and stay real, being dishonest with your partner will destroy the marriage. Being hyperactive, fooling around all the time, and refusing to focus in conversation or in life often is an attempt to avoid intimacy or difficult issues, which can be horribly frustrating for your mate. How healthy would your relationship be? Maria Droste posts regularly on helpful mental health and wellness subjects like the one you just read. If God chooses to forgive our sins as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12), why cant we? Little things matter and count in a relationship, little things like holding hands, kissing, hugging, surprise gifts, appreciation, kindness, etc. Here are the eight worst marriage habits. While this is obviously critically important, there are many other kinds of dishonesty that can destroy marriages. But what will you do when you (or your spouse) fight dirty? A lot of men neglect their family to destroy their marriage. Being aware of and guarding against these traits can enable our marriages to grow deeper and stronger and help to fail-proof our most valuable relationships. 2022byTango Publishing Corporation All Rights Reserved. 5 Keys To Keep Your Marriage Out Of Despair. Maria Droste Counseling Center is an exempt organization as described in Section 501(c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code; EIN 84-11-82-130. read our article on how to break bad marriage habits. Marriage is far from easy, but when two people are committed to making it the best relationship they have, Christ is glorified, and they enjoy an abundant life of love and laughter God wants for them. Any couple who has had children know how the birth of a child (or maybe even more than one) radically changes the couples dynamics. Knowing what these patterns are, and guarding against them, can be the key to maintaining a strong, healthy marriage. The time has come to push the ego to the background. Here are 5 the worst marriage habits that couples should be aware of and should avoid at all costs to save their marriage:-. Addiction on any level - social media, food, alcohol, drugs, shopping or gambling . These tactics belittle the person you promised to love, honor, and cherish; they let you play angel to his or her devil, and don't address the responsibility you both share for your marital happiness. Like toothpaste from the tube, you cant take them back. So often when we talk about why a marriage ended, we point to big events - an affair, a major argument, etc. To cure negative attitude, you can visit a counselor or read books about having a positive lifestyle. Satan wants. For more information, please visit her website at michellelazurek.com. Subscribe today and get informative reads like this sent straight to your inbox. Think again. When two people commit to getting married, they vow to be together forever. Sex education is very important before people get married, you must get to marry someone you are sexually compatible with. Jealousy will set in the marriage which is very bad, both of you will start feeling insecure and will only bring up problems thats not supposed to be in the marriage. Individual therapy can enable and empower spouses of abusers to get and stay safe and to begin to reclaim their lives. Marriages are definitely not something you should easily give up on. Saying Im fine when we are not may seem like an innocent response to an inquiry about our day or how we are feeling, but if it is not true, then it is dishonest. When a marriage has experienced a major trial like infidelity or other sign of unfaithfulness, the victim in the relationship may feel entitled to disrespect the other partner or withhold love for fear of being hurt again. This happens in any area of your life: at work, in nutrition, in money management, in movement and also in relationships. Practicing openness, but not defending yourself with silence, forgiving, and not taking revenge, apologizing, instead of blaming, giving thanks, and not using force. Not Praying Together The saying "the family that prays together, stays together" rings true, especially in marriage. If you love someone, demonstrate that love in action and in words. If you are exhibiting these marriage habits, do the hard work to break them. Fostering secrecy regarding these issues can lead to creating secret lives that not only keep our partners out, but can involve ever more consuming relationships with other people (or substances or behaviors such as gambling) that then can become primary in our lives. In order to keep sexual intimacy alive, it must be nurtured. It may not always look like holding hands or other physical signs of affection in public, but loving your wife means listening to her, supporting her during trials, and taking her opinions into account before making a decision. This site is a proud member of the Salem Web Network, a subsidiary of, Copyright 2022, Crosswalk.com. To err is human. Do you know anyone who tries to cover the failure of their relationship with their work success, sporting prowess or some other type of extreme ostentation? It destroys the foundation of the marriage, it leads to total disbelieve and lack of trust, and it leads to emotional destruction and alienation of family and friends. RELATED: These 4 Behaviors Cause 90% Of All Divorces. It is necessary to make a firm determination to want to change that negative habit. And they are some of the worst you can have in your relationship, leading you and your partner to divorce. Theres nothing wrong with asking a parent for his/her advice, but valuing their opinion over your spouse only spells trouble. This is the act of having relationship outside marriage, these habits brings shame, dishonor to a family, and its the quick way to destroy a marriage. A lot of men do not show love and affection to their wife. To cure anger, you must see a counselor and always try to respect each others perspective. The Christians Guide to Fasting and Prayer, 7 Things that Will Keep Me from Coming Back to Your Church, Social Media Influencer Oli London Has Detransitioned after Converting to Christianity, 6 Female Celebrities Who Openly Follow Christ, How to Choose Gratitude in Great and Terrible Times.
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